1.The mixed emotions that can come with a positive pregnancy test.
The utter joy/fear/terror that can come with a positive test after a loss can be crippling. You may go from laughing to sobbing without notice. The idea of losing another child is horrifying but at the same time you want a healthy baby with every fiber of your being. Give yourself grace. take each emotion as they come and know that what you are feeling is normal
2. Morning sickness can become like a friend
They say that morning sickness is an indicator of a healthy baby. So for me at least i clung to that with every fiber and would embrace even the worst of it. The idea of having a healthy baby was so much more wonderful than anything else. So if morning sickness is what equals a healthy baby, bring it on.
3. You might check your panties for blood, all the time.
This was so true. The smallest bit of dampness in my underwear would send me sprinting to the restroom & frantically checking for any sign of blood. Even after i was in the "safe zone" as they call it i would check. Eventually i think it just became a "just in case" habit. if you happen to get obsessed over it. It's okay, i mean don't super stress but do what you gotta do to keep your sanity.
4. You may feel guilty for getting pregnant again.
In my case i miscarried & soon after was able to get pregnant again. As much as i wanted my baby i did have times of guilt about "did i rush it" "Am i just trying to replace my angels" Both of which weren't true but in moments of overwhelming emotion you can get really bogged down in the emotions and grief of it all
5. Not being able to feel baby move in the first trimester can get agonizing.
There's just something about being able to feel your baby kick that makes it that much more "real" up until that point its scary. its daunting to think what if. "Is my baby okay" Something that has helped women i know is to get a heartbeat doppler. this will allow you to keep tabs on your babys heart in the weeks/months that you can't feel that lil peanut move.
i highly recommend it!
i highly recommend it!
6. If you're pregnant during your angels due date, It's STILL hard.
This one was a biggy for me. i was 29ish weeks pregnant during my first angels due date & even farther along for my second angels. Even though i was blessed to be pregnant with my very real & healthy baby boy here i was again greiving my babies. thinking what if i could have been in labor right now? what would my life be like?! But, then i wouldn't have this baby. it was majorly hard. & overwhelming. but above everything else. it was just sad to know that this "due date" never would be that.
7. Bonding with this baby might be hard.
The fear of what "could happen" can cause some moms to not want to bond in case they lose the baby in hopes for it to not hurt as bad, but it doesn't work like that. Also, when i was pregnant i felt as though i was cheating on my angels, which sounds ridiculous but it's true. i didn't want my angels to feel like they were being replaced so i didn't bond all in at once. but, once i let myself feel my love/bond for my baby i was head over heels. & it was so worth it.
8. Anxiety surrounding doctor appointments can be very real.
The long wait until the first appointment then going once a month?! This can be nerve wracking for anyone but especially for those who have experienced loss, waiting for the doctor to detect the heartbeat you long to hear, the moments leading up to hearing how things are progressing and if your baby is healthy. All of it can be riddled with anxiety. BUT, when the doctor does find that precious heartbeat or you see it doing flips during an ultrasound, it is the BEST feeling.
9. You may get jealous of people who are pregnant without a previous loss.
While they are prancing around completely oblivious to the cruel world you know too much of, you are considering all of the things you hope and pray won't go wrong. How dare they be so blissful. it almost feels like they are rubbing it in your face that everything is just so perfect. they are pure "ignorance is bliss"
& you are jaded. fully aware of what could happen.
& it's flat out NOT fair.
& you are jaded. fully aware of what could happen.
& it's flat out NOT fair.
10. You may feel like no one understands.
If you don't have anyone around you who has experienced loss, or even if you have somedays its just hard. All the emotions,feelings and maybe even guilt can pile up and it can feel just so lonely. People expecting you to be happy, even though you are hurting for your angel. or not getting that pregnancy after a loss is scary. its hard to not think the worst. & when no one seems to be "letting" you feel all the feelings. its easy to feel misunderstood
11. Grief doesn't just go away.
Most days things would be okay, focused on the pregnancy and new baby, but others
it was just hard. i missed my angels and wondered what if. & Why did my babies have to leave me. Was i even capable of doing this pregnancy and mom thing?!
What if thats why i lost them.
On top of all of the heightened pregnancy hormones grief can become really heavy,
& Pregnancy depression is a very real thing.
Much like Post partum depression but it occurs while still pregnant.
If you feel like it just won't go away, talk to your doctor
it was just hard. i missed my angels and wondered what if. & Why did my babies have to leave me. Was i even capable of doing this pregnancy and mom thing?!
What if thats why i lost them.
On top of all of the heightened pregnancy hormones grief can become really heavy,
& Pregnancy depression is a very real thing.
Much like Post partum depression but it occurs while still pregnant.
If you feel like it just won't go away, talk to your doctor
12. You experience overwhelming gratitude.
Each day i got past the number of weeks at which i miscarried.
I was in awe. Every tickle, wiggle, flutter, hiccup & kick.
Every bit of growth my belly/body made i was just SO thankful.
Over the moon thankful. Some days i'd even cry because i just couldn't contain it.
I was in awe. Every tickle, wiggle, flutter, hiccup & kick.
Every bit of growth my belly/body made i was just SO thankful.
Over the moon thankful. Some days i'd even cry because i just couldn't contain it.
13. Finally holding your sweet baby after delivery is the MOST amazing feeling that there is.
I wasn't prepared AT ALL for the overwhelming love and emotion that came over me when i finally held my precious baby boy.
There wasn't much i could do other than cry and kiss him.
EVERY ounce of heart ache, fear, & anxiety was 110% worth it.
He is my greatest accomplishment & My greatest blessing.
And in that moment that i saw him for the first time it was almost as if my heart would burst outta my chest in the best way ever possible.
There wasn't much i could do other than cry and kiss him.
EVERY ounce of heart ache, fear, & anxiety was 110% worth it.
He is my greatest accomplishment & My greatest blessing.
And in that moment that i saw him for the first time it was almost as if my heart would burst outta my chest in the best way ever possible.
Thank you for reading!
Want to keep following this series?
connect with me on Instagram (@beeandthebuzz)
to stay updated!
What is something that you wish someone would have told you about pregnancy after loss?
Can you relate to the ones listed above? to which ones?
Want to keep following this series?
connect with me on Instagram (@beeandthebuzz)
to stay updated!
What is something that you wish someone would have told you about pregnancy after loss?
Can you relate to the ones listed above? to which ones?