Your world is up on it's end. or better said, shattered. What was endless hope, dreams and excitement has turned in the worst way.
Whatever your situation may be, I'm sorry. I hope someone has told you that. I hope someone has wrapped you in their arms and let you cry, or be silent or however you needed to respond. I hope someone has showed you they care.
I know that nothing seems right or even that it ever will be.
Guess what? Thats OK.
All you want to do is lay on the couch and cry?
Guess what? That's OK
Want to scream to the world MY CHILD MATTERED?!
Guess what? I understand & they did.
Over all nothing can make better, i know thats not what you wanted to hear but it true.
the raw sting goes away with time but without notice it could be back again.
On a seemingly normal and beautiful day you could burst into tears, i know i have.
However you process, do that.
for me it was scrolling Pinterest reading miscarriage quotes and crying.
Crying out to God saying why me?! WHY did you have to take MY babies?!
I know why now, but then nothing could convince me that my babies dying would ever
amount to anything good,
and for a long time it didn't i shut out the world and cried, i cried a lot
i was bitter and angry, angry at God,
and everyone around me who had gone before me with this whole miscarriage thing and never told me about it. About how much it hurt. how deep and endless the pain is.
about how even after you miscarry you still get email updates from apps you downloaded but they make it near impossible to unsubscribe to. Eventually i stopped crying every day, and channeled my energy into journaling.
journaling to my angels.
I ended up really finding out who my friends were.
& in the midst of my pain i begun connecting with other angel moms.
It was like a secret club that no one wanted to be in but was forced to have a membership to. It was the place i felt most safe talking about and telling others about my babies.
We shared our hopes, dreams and wishes of what the future could have been. somedays were hard to even type their names and others it was all i could do to scream their names from the highest peak.
there will be days of both for you im sure.
that part doesn't go away.
But to you, Mama with empty arms.
in this moment and for as long as you need, it okay to NOT be okay.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm so sorry your baby died
Please, if you take nothing away from this post but, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. i'm okay with that.
Hug your friends, embrace your family
& surround yourself with all the positiveness you can handle.
Someday i believe we will all be with our babies again.
of your heart walking around outside your body.
but in our case,
parts of our heart,