However, when it comes to how people interact with women of the pregnant variety it seems to me that almost all basic common sense leaves the building... So with out any more rambling here are some things that i, along with some input of some lovely ladies are suggesting you DON'T say to the next pregnant person you happen to encounter.
- 1. Anything pertaining to her size/weight... -
Here's the deal, firstly, Every pregnancy/woman is completely unlike any other to come before or after it/her. Therefore the rate her bump does or doesn't grow OR the amount of weight she does or doesn't gain Doesn't outwardly indicate the health of her or her pregnancy. Chances are this lovely lady you are trying to give advice to has a Doctor which she discusses her pregnancy with. That being the case just don't go there, There are a million things going on in her sweet head and at least one of them most likely pertains to her size/weight, please don't bring anymore anxiety upon those ever present thoughts. Finding our sense of self & beauty can be much more difficult as we are swelling from every angle than i think many people realize. Instead, tell her pregnancy looks great on her & that she is in fact doing great. It's really all we want to hear.
+ on a similar vein, PLEASE do not ever ask or assume that someone is expecting multiples. More often then not you will be WRONG and single handedly just made that mama to be feel like an absolute whale, Not cool dude. Not cool.
- 2. Comments on conception -
Sorry but if the baby was or wasn't planned is NOT an appropriate question EVER. That being said any reference to the time frame of when the baby was conceived are off limits as well. Ex: "Ohh looks like someone's having a honeymoon baby. ( nudge nudge wink wink..") "Ahh somebody had a GREAT Valentines day haha" or "Y'all really know how to ring in the new year.." People really?! lets just NOT. kay? alright moving on.
- 3. " Time for that MiniVan! " -
Ummm just No, i get that they are are a great accommodating vehicle popular among many families with children BUT that does not mean that the moment you're about to pop out a small human you sign a contract on a Mini-Van. Thankfully for those who don't see that as a necessary option there are plenty of options out there. Mom mobiles can come in MANY shapes and sizes!
- 4. " Why are you so emotional?! " -
Ok, You have got to be kidding me!.. Do you know how many hormones are running rampant in our system right now? Are you not able to grasp that not only are we GROWING a human being with all of his/her complexities which is a huge undertaking in itself, But it is a colossal emotional, relational & spiritual adjustment and we DO NOT need you questioning how we are handling all of it. mmkay?!
- 5. Baby Names... -
Are you infact growing that baby, or having it emerge from your body in any particular fashion? Didn't think so. Therefore you're opinion on any given baby name chosen or simply discussed is not necessary.. The name of that child is between the two individuals that created it. Period & Guess what?! Whatever they choose you get to smile, support them & love the heck out of that baby regardless of how you feel about it's name.
P.S to mamas to be - Nutella is not a name legally passable so, unfortunately ya gotta avoid that one ;)
- 6. Guessing when she is Due -
You will be wrong & you'll both be embarrassed. Just don't.
- 7. Any judgement of her plans on labor -
Just as no two pregnancies/women are the alike, the same goes for labor! and in no way is that right or wrong. It just IS. One Mama may want an unassisted Home birth with family all around her in a blow up tub in her livingroom. Another will want a hospital birth, medication & all the help she can get from the nursery. The use of midwives, OBGYN's, Doulas or other support however she chooses is just that her choice. Not your labor right? okay then not your place for an opinion.
- 8. Labor horror stories RIGHT before she is due -
Please, think before you speak! Are you imparting peace or fear into this sweet mama to be? Does she really need to know about how your nurses were awful, the epidural left you africa sized bruises or that you were in excruciating pain for 3 days? That "pretty much everyone gets an episiotomy, so you'll get one too" or "You'll be beggin for that epidural!.." I'm sure that if she is pregnant she has some basic grasp that labor isn't easy... it is called 'labor' after all haha! She's probably already thinking/worrying about it save the trauma stories for afterwards, maybe you can even swap gory details later!
- 9. "Just you wait" -
This is applicable in many a conversation but here are the top ones that come to mind for me. A mama to be saying she is tired, She understands that this is likely to be just the beginning of "being tired" your "Just you wait" reminder is just flat out annoying... Pregnant mama saying that braxton hicks are painful, you piping up with "Just you wait" makes us wanna smack you.. Obviously labor is going to be worse, so HUSH. & for the Mamas who have children already and are pregnant... You uttering that you have your hands full immediately followed with someone saying "Just you wait" Is NOT what she needs to hear. She realizes that two children is more of a challenge than one. Unless you are offering to help babysit, keep thy mouth shut :)
- 10. "make sure your husband stays out of the room or behind your shoulders or your sex life will never be the same!" -
Thank you for the concern but my husband and I are both aware of how the baby will be getting out of my body and are in no way worried about it "changing" our sex life. In fact he'll probably think i am even more awesome for it. We made the baby together therefore he will be there to witness it's birth however that may go as well.
DISCLAIMER : This next topic is very delicate & near and dear to my heart. The main reason for inappropriate comments is simply ignorance but there is also flat out insensitivity floating around out there that needs to stop.
- 11. Comments pertaining to pregnancies after the loss of a baby, miscarriage, or still borns alike. -
When announcing a pregnancy after loss. " What if this baby dies too?! Will you regret announcing it?" - NO, there will never be a day that i will regret the acknowledgement of life. the longevity of it is completely irrelevant. "Aren't you scared you'll lose this baby too?" - WOW, Um yeah thanks for reminding me of the possibilities It is constantly on my mind knowing my history & always being sensitive to odd symptoms trying not to assume the worst. As if i could really forget..
Overall unless you are being encouraging, speaking peace & life or telling her she is rockin' the whole pregnancy thing. THINK before you open your mouth. Many an annoyed mama, hurt feeling & general embarrassement can be avoided this way and everyone will be happier for it :)
What did I miss? What are some things people have said to you while pregnant that made you want to serve them a smack down?! haha I'd love to hear in the comments below!
- Becca -