Hey sweet thing,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. And maybe that’s because we would have been celebrating your second birthday right about now. And while I know any party I would have thrown wouldn’t be nearly as cool as celebrating with Jesus, I can’t help but wish you were celebrating a birthday with us.
So, instead of a party, I wanted to surprise you with something else for your birthday. You see, back when daddy and I first lost you, we were really sad. I’m ashamed to admit that we did just about everything we could to forget about you. We didn’t talk much about our feelings, we didn’t tell many others about you, and we didn’t even give you a name. It was easier that way. It was easier for us to forget about our pain, the empty space you had left in our hearts, and to just move on.
But the truth is, you’re the one who made me a mama, and I could never, ever forget about you. You weren’t just some ball of cells, you were my baby. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, my mama instincts kicked in and my love for you soared. And even though we lost you way too soon, I know there will come a day when our family will all be together again. On that day, I know your brother and sister will come running to you with an unexplainable familiarity, as if you’d all spent your whole lives together. I know it’ll be like seeing an extension of my own heart for the very first time, but also as if I’d been with you always. And I know that even though we never got the chance to find out your gender, that you, my little girl, will welcome us into Heaven with high-pitched squeals and open arms.
In the meantime, as we anxiously await that day, I thought of the perfect surprise for you. It’s a present we would have given you on your actual birthday, had we been given the chance. This year on your birthday, I’d like to finally give you a name. I figured you might be getting sick of the big man calling you “little stinker” and “sassbucket” (assuming you’re anything like your sister), and quite frankly, I’m sorry we didn’t give you one sooner.
Because you, my precious Vivian Grace, are the one who made me a mother.
Happy Birthday, Vivi. I love you.
Ps. pray for your sister. She’s been particularly whiney lately, and I’m afraid if her attitude doesn’t improve, you might just be my favorite forever ;)
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