You'd be one. I'd be chasing you around. But instead I'm chasing you through my dreams trying to catch you. Hug you. Kiss you. Tell you I love you. Tell you I miss you. You've been on my mind a lot. I think of you all the time. You're my baby, how could I not? I miss you darling.
I know you're watching over us, but I still miss you. I think of what you would've looked like. If you were a boy or a girl. But my gut always says girl. So a girl you are. In my dreams you're a dark haired beauty, with your daddy's color. I never see your face and that's alright. I get to use my mind to imagine your indescribable beauty.
So I always picture it with a smile, and chocolate brown eyes, like your daddy. I see you dancing and twirling in my dreams. With a chime like laugh but I never see the lips that release it for the world to hear. Your hair is long and curly, brown as a rich chocolate candy bar. But you have some of mommy's red high lights. You're beautiful.
I wish I could see your face. Maybe that's because I never got to see your face in person or an ultrasound, but I imagine it. I saw you last week. You were walking with Elias and I. I woke up with a smile on my face. I love when you drop in. You were in my dreams when I was pregnant with Elias. You were dancing in the same outfit I always see you in. A Rapunzel princess dress. Twirling and running through Disneyland while I swaddled your brother. Maybe to tell me that you were still around, watching over your family down below. Telling me you're always around even if I can't see you. I think you were trying to tell me it would be okay. That Elias would come and make everything alright.
But I still think of you. I wonder what kind of person you would be. Would you change the world? Or just my life? We lost you so early. My darling, I'm grateful I saw you for the one time I got to in reality. You were the first to make me a mommy. And the first to make me realize that I wanted to be a mommy.
Don't think I don't think about you. I think about you when I feel the sun on my face. The warmth and light makes me believe that you are a warm and happy baby. The wind reminds me of how you surround me with love even when you aren't here. I see you in the stars, I imagine them as the same stars that brighten your eyes.
I know you show up a few times, Elias just looks up and smiles and laughs I imagine it's you dropping in to check on him. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to raise you, but I thank you for hand picking your brother for me. You both are the light of my life. I know you're around, and I know you're okay. That's all that matters. That you my precious jewel are okay. I love you so much it hurts. I look at your ultrasound once in awhile. Just enough to look at you and whisper I love you and tell you what's on my mind. I talk to you a lot. I picture you laying next to Elias and smiling at me.
My precious babe. You're perfect. Since day one. Daddy and I love you. Don't forget to drop by again my princess. I'll happily chase you and Elias through my dreams and my heart. Enjoy your Rapunzel dress that you're always in. You're my lost princess, I'll find you again one day.
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