My story starts off a few months before I found out I was pregnant.
It was a few weeks after I said "I do" to my high school sweetheart that I found out my little brother and his girlfriend were expecting a baby. I cried when I found out and it wasn't tears of joy. I always thought since I was the oldest that I would have the first grandchild.
I had just got married and was looking forward to starting my family.
About 6 weeks before it was time to meet my nephew, there I was.
Standing in my bathroom holding a positive pregnancy test.
It was my time.
My husband and I held each other close. We were so excited.
Two weeks later we were at the doctors office waiting to hear that sweet little heart beat... it wasn't there. I was instantly filled with so much emotion.
Why was this happening to me. People all around me were telling me how sorry they were and that it was going to be okay.
How was I going to be okay. I lost the most precious thing that a woman could ever have.
I was angry! I questioned God so many times.
I didnt understand how this could happen to me. I was in such a dark place on the inside but on the outside I tried so hard to hide my feelings.
My nephew being born shortly after made my pain so much worse. Here is this sweet innocent baby...but its not my baby.
I remember holding him in my arms and thinking will I ever have a chance at all this.
I wanted to be a mother more than anything
I wanted to be a mother more than anything at that point.
A few months after that here I was again.
Standing in my bathroom with a positive pregnancy test.
That moment was the best and worst feeling I have ever felt.
I cried because I was happy and because I was scared to death. I couldn't bare losing another baby.
We went to the doctor and there on the screen
was that little heartbeat that
I had been wanting to hear so badly.
That was my baby.
I was finally going to be a mother. Around 16 weeks I woke up to a puddle of blood and in tears my husband rushed me to the hospital.
I knew for sure I had lost my precious baby. I laid on that hospital bed for what seemed like hours and finally the doctor came in to check for a heartbeat.
Ready to burst into tears I heard it.
It was the sweetest sound ever. My baby was okay.
They sent us to our OB-GYN to have an ultrasound done.
There my sweet baby was doing back flips.
So active and full of life. The nurse let us know that "he" was as healthy as ever
and they were not sure what had happened.
We were full of joy and couldn't wait to meet our baby boy.
Everything was great up to 30 weeks when I woke up to my water breaking.
Again I thought we were losing our sweet boy.
Making his arrive at 30 weeks 3 days,
we had our 3 pound miracle baby.
All the emotion and all the tears
and pain were all worth it.
God does things that we don't understand.
I know one day I will meet my sweet baby that was taken from us
but I also know that if my first pregnancy had been healthy and given us a baby to hold.
Then I wouldn't have my son and I wouldn't give him up for the world. Everything happens for a reason. It was a long journey but now I look and see how blessed I am.
connect with me on Instagram! @beeandthebuzz