How is it possible that your dad and I have gone 606 days (and counting) without you.. how is it possible that we've survived that? When we lost you I had never known just how many pieces a heart could break into, or how far down the hole of dispair that someone could go down and still survive. Thanks to your short little life, all 58 days of it, I have grown to appreciate how much a heart can love even after it's been shattered into infaninte pieces, I've grown to know that no matter the fact that I never felt you move inside me or saw your tiny little face I am still your mother, and you are still my son. YOU ARE MY SON.
In the enternity that I've lived without you I have never loved more, crazy isn't it? That I can love so hard after losing you. But, I have. I've loved your dad more than I ever knew was possible, and I've loved your little sister... but most importantly I've continued to love you.
I get asked all the time while I walk around with this belly carrying your little sister if she is our first baby, and every single time without fail my heart catches... how do I tell them that we have a child in Heaven? How do I help them understand that dispite you never being born that your life counted? Luckily your dad knows the right thing to say, he always tells people that we had a son, that we lost you but you will ALWAYS be our first.
I know you're up there watching us, and watching your little sister... but sometimes I feel like maybe you look down and think that we've forgotten you. If you ever think that, just know that I haven't, and I never will. Not in a million and 10 years. Every time I walk past your sisters nursery I get this ache in my heart knowing that we never got to give you this, a room, a crib, a million ultrasounds framed on the walls.. I'll never get to read you stories, I'll never get to rock you to sleep by that window. I'll never get to look into a crib and see you smile in your sleep. I'll never get to walk past this room and see you playing with your toys... I'll never get that lifetime of memories that I thought I would have the day we saw those 2 pink lines.
The only thing I can do for you now is to keep your memory alive, I can tell Khloe that because of you she has two parents that can provide for her and that love her more than life itself, and that she had a big brother that will always be just a prayer away.
We miss you Luke, we miss you more than anyone can ever know, more than anyone should ever know. And we love you just as much as we did the day we learned that you were with us, that will never change. Thank you for making us parents Luke Aaron.
forever loving and missing you,
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